Everybody at one time or another has had a confidence issue around sex. You may feel self-conscious about your naked body. Or maybe you're too shy to voice out loud what you really want in bed. Building sexual self-esteem, like regular self-esteem, is an on-going, daily practice. So, to help you get back to feeling your best in the bedroom, I've gathered together a few tips you can put in practice starting today.
Get To Know Your Body
Reports show that women who know their bodies better have more sexual satisfaction. So first you want to get to know your body and the best way to learn your body is by creating a self-pleasure routine. Set time out weekly to explore your body. When’s the last time you touched yourself and really focused on how it felt? Do you know what places on your body are your hot spots? Learn what turns you on, that way you’ll be able to communicate it to a partner.
Explore Your Sexuality
It’s difficult to be confident about sex when you’re not sure what you like and dislike. So go out and explore, whether it’s picking up some erotica, sexy magazine, or a new sex toy like The Wand by Le Wand or The Womanizer. The amazing thing about exploring is once you have an arsenal of things that you like you will feel more confident about sex. Sexual confidence is about knowing that you and you alone hold the keys to your sexual pleasure and the only way to get there is by exploring. Plus, sexual confidence and being able to advocate for your pleasure are skills than can be easily transferred to other aspects of your life.
Tap into Your Freak
Beyoncé Knowles has famously said that she taps into an alter ego Sasha Fierce when she performs. Treat sex like a performance, find your inner Sasha Fierce. Buy a wig, get some different types of sexy clothes that allow you to tap into a different, more sexually confident side of yourself. In other words: role-play with yourself. It’s the old slogan, fake it till you make it. Action often precedes motivation and can change how you think and feel.
Stop Comparing Yourself
Have you ever caught yourself in the mirror and thought, “Dang I’m Fine…” If not, go hang out in the mirror a little more. Most of the women you're seeing in the pages of some of your favorite magazines and on TV are often not realistic representations of the average American woman. When you're constantly seeing images of size 2 women and you're a size 14, it's easy to start feeling undesirable. Look at different kinds of bodies. There are great Instagram accounts that celebrate all kinds of diverse bodies at all ages—this will help counter some of the mainstream messaging about what sexy bodies “should” look like. This can be an important reminder that sexy comes in all sizes.
Buy Some Lingerie
It may sound cliché, but a quick and easy way to take your sexual self-esteem from a 0 to a 100 is with some flattering new lingerie. You don’t need a partner drooling over you to wear some pretty panties or a hot corset. All you need to do is like what you see.
Ashley is a sex blogger and sexfluencer that believes everyone deserves to have an intimate, exciting, and fulfilling sex life. "I use all of my platforms as a safe space to help women feel comfortable discussing sex out loud without shame."